Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
