just come out here and I will go home with you...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
