I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
