Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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