your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
