He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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