no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
