i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
