He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
