I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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