I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
