I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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