ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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