1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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