omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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