Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
