we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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