we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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