Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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