i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
