We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
