White coat. Heels.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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