Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
