this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
