I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
