Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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