I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
