Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
