the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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