i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
God I need to hump something, right now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
