she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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