Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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