..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
