why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize