I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
