My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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