I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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