Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
But I just had this pork pt. It was dick grabbing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
