He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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