the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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