why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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