He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
