Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
