I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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