If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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