so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
