I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
