WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
