Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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