24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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