i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
