even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
