All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
