end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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