I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
