I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
