So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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