Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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