At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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