I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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