Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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