remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
