I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And then he peed in my hair
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